LGBT people often benefit from living in mid– to large-size cities where there are options, alternatives and resources  for our communities.  However, when options are available, an unexpected and often damaging dynamic often surfaces: the demographic split between lesbians, gay men and transgender individuals.

Each camp has their turf, their own activities, and their own “claimed” establishments.  Unlike more rural areas where there may be one bar or coffee spot and men and women actually cohabitate; Western New York has all the benefits and pitfalls of a community with options.

No side can claim victim or perpetrator in the divide.  I personally have heard the remarks gay men make about lesbians, transgender people and nearly anyone who isn’t like them.  Sweeping generalizations like lesbians all being cheap, mullet-wearing U-Haul drivers tend to be the most common.

However, I’ve was present on a popular sidewalk patio with a friend who had recently been diagnosed with HIV; only to be an unwilling witness to a women proclaiming to her friends her distaste for mixed places where “...dirty boys and all their nasty diseases can rub up on you.”

Needless to say, the misconceptions and attitudes, however they are intended or delivered, tend to widen the divide and deepen the chasm between us.

Still, nowhere is there greater misunderstanding than when it comes to our trans brothers and sisters who are ultimately in the same battle for equal rights, dignity and social acceptance.  Sadly for many in the trans community, the disrespect and insensitivity they receive from the wider straight community pale in comparison to what they often get from our own.

Embracing our diversity goes beyond a rainbow-flooded parade in June or a big outside party that brings us together once a year.  Instead, it is a conscious and empowering effort to reach out and remember all the things we have in common; and all that we can be for each other.

From the AIDS epidemic to marriage equality and beyond, the care for our community must come from within; it is there that we must find each other and reach out a hand.